panangungot=panaginip+bangungot..

>>>argh, sabi ko sa blog ko, ayaw ko nang mag-ingles.. pero ayos lang kasi hindi naman purong ingles eto.. anyway, i wrote this N days ago... medyo matagal-tagal na... meaning, pwedeng iba na ang nararamdaman ko sa naramdaman ko dati(uyyy, bitter ata ah).. so haller? nanghinayang lang talaga ako kung hindi ko mapopost... ito rin kasi ang pinagkaabalahan kong gawin nung nasa byahe ako... nahilo-hilo pa ako tas mababaliwala.. anyway, yung context ang ipag-focus-an nyo... yung facts... wag na yung story chuva.... ukai?

After they perform they sat at the front seat. I was just staring at the guy waiting for him to look back. Atat na ako.. lumingon sya, napakanta ako sa isip “halleluiah, halleluiah, halleluiah”. Wala nang paeklat-eklat chuva pa. I extended my arms forward and said “huuuug”. I was really asking for a big real warm hug. Ayun na, he was standing near me ng biglang....
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Since I was a kid I almost had all sort of the bad dreams an individual might have. Maybe I was being kidnapped. It’s like bad guys always wanted to hurt and take me away from my parents. Or I was so happy playing around then all of a sudden I would bump on anything o kaya may le*heng nakaharang sa nilalakaran ko and I would stumble and tada! It would cause a big wound; my parents would even get mad at me because of blahblahblah and they would apply those s*itty antiseptics and ointments. Or my teeth would all fall, my toys would break, my doll would have a life and play a trick on me, and all that. If not, monsters that I came to see on the TV and books were chasing me, ahem, and they were not alone but altogether. Joint forces, a la Baywatch. Tipong rampa ever sila ng magkakasama. Take note, they weren’t gwapos and magagandas on their swimming attire but on their mamatay-ka-sa-takot-na-itsura, they looked really scary, it’s like my blood was coagulating in so much fright, ang chachaka ever. It’s like you’d wish to wake up quickly.... or die bago ka nila makapitan. Some of them were Impaktita, si Dawn Zulueta sa Patayin sa Sindak si Barbara and opcorz, ang Halimaw sa Banga. Ewan ko nalang kung hindi nyo kilala at hindi kayo natakot sa kanila(lalo kay halimaw sa banga, that blonde girl, grr!). Hmmm, I know they visited you also... if not.. uh, kawawa pala talaga ako...mag-isa lang pala talagang nanginig sa takot.. =/

The evil guys were attacking me... and.. um, I can’t do anything about it. According to experts, people have the ability to control their dreams. They can turn a nightmare into a sweet dream. Really? Why can’t I?(o, tanong yan, I am not singing that Liz Phair song) but,hmmm, i know people who proved me that dreams can be guarded—my mom and my bigbro..uhh, buti pa sila..

“Good night ******, SWEET DREAMS” people who try to be sweet... or okay okay okay, sweet people tend to say sweet dreams after saying their good nights. But for me *ahem*, I found it annoying. There are no sweet dreams, they don’t exist. If they do, I should have been visited by them in my sleep many times since then. Seeing as they haven’t, how can I say they are real?

Lately I’ve realized that I don’t dream. Uh, according to psychology a person has at least 5 or more dreams during a sleep but yeah right, I consider that to be true but what I am trying to say here is that I don’t remember them. Normally, a person has 4 or 5 D-sleeps during night-time, whether the dreams are committed to memory often, rarely or ”not at all.” Hehe, normal pa naman nga pala ako,yey!!

I just came from a camp last weekend. I had short sleep there; it weren’t sleep at all but nap so when I got home pasok agad ako sa kwarto. Walang taong naabutan para makausap(muntik pa akong di makapasok kasi I don’t know where they keep the key). Nagsisimba pala sila. Higa. Tulog, walang palya, dirediretso... until I was seeing myself watching a dance presentation. I know all of the dancers pero dalawang tao lang yung naaalala ko. It was **rol and ***n. Really got shocked, parang I can’t believe that I was seeing ***n in person again. He was dancing very well (si **rol..ummm, mare galing mo rin, never knew you can dance,hehe). Ang galing talaga, as in laki-mata-tulo-laway ako. Elibs.

After they perform they sat at the front seat. I was just staring at the guy waiting for him to look back. Atat na ako.. lumingon sya, napakanta ako sa isip “halleluiah, halleluiah, halleluiah”. Wala nang paeklat-eklat chuva pa. I extended my arms forward and said “huuug”. I was really asking for a big real warm hug. Ayun na, he was standing near me ng biglang.... I heard clanging porcelain plates and squeaky eekie sounds due to moving wooden chairs. Bigla akong bumangon at lumabas ng kwarto “andito na ako” I said. Hindi pa gising ang diwa ko, na kanina lang ay nasa fairy land with all the fly fly fly the butterflies. Of course I wanted to continue the bitin-******-***n-hug-scene. According to bigbro and mom, we can control our dreams. Kahit pa nagising sila they can still continue their bitin dream. Hehe. Ma-try nga. Mind over matter lang yan Y****a N****ai, kaya mo yan. Higa. Tulog, lec*e, puno ng palya... all I was seeing was the white ceiling. Waaaah, ni hindi nga ako makatulog e, mananaginip pa kaya ako? Haller?! Argh, kelangan matuloy yun. Nagiging berde na ako sa galit, mukha na akong girl version ni The Hulk. Asar.

Ayun, hindi talaga. Malamang kahit makatulog ako e, hindi talaga matutuloy yun.
Dreaming--It is said to be a mental activity that transpire during sleep. Some of dreams came from interrupted incidents that are stored in our memory.
The dream I had maybe ‘or surely’ manifested a real scene that happened to be undone that I want to be done(uh, anu daw? Basta!) Yeah, when I visited him before, I had the strong desire to wrap him around my arms and cry “hmmm” but since I ‘was’ or ummm 0_o? since ‘I AM’ A LOSER I was shy to tell him until we both went home... and the worst, I learned that he felt the same as of hugging me. Oh noe it’s lolo ponyong!! Whattainsidente! Ang labo! Anyway, tapos na. Teka, tapos na nga ba? Washeber!

According to my very good buddy Aris, (short for the great Greek philosopher Aristotle) is that dreams originated from within the dreamer, arising from the heart. And if that is the case, nga naman, korektness chuvaness nga naman. I have to admit that I dream (habang gising ha) of having the chance of doing that..still. and the desire, it is rooted from my heart.
Going back on not-believing to such sweet dream regardless of the mas-madalas-na-bangungot before e I do believe on that now. The dream might not be sweet at all (malamang OO kung natuloy, but it wasn’t) I still consider it to be, seeing him moving is more than enough... and really means a lot (rhymes! Haha).. tsaka teka teka, thoughts you’ve dream about during waking state are more cool when it also happened while you are awake. Diba diba? Basta. Yun na yun!
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A story that visited me while we were travelling on the road.

THE DREAM: I was so sleeping on the bus (Xena vangis was with me), I really didn’t know to where we were going. The trip was fine; I was so sleeping pretty soundly then suddenly I woke up because I felt like that big voice was talking to me.

GUY: hindi mo ba susundin ang sinasabi ko?

AKO: (tumingin lang sa kanya, sinasabi sa utak na, le*he, natutulog tapos nang-iistorbo..pero walang sinagot... mga holdaper nga naman, epal)

GUY: aba.. babarilin na kita diyan!

AKO: (still not moving, nakatingin lang ako ke manong may baril... so??? Parang if you want to kill me then do it now, I don’t care, medyo takot pero hindi obvious)

GUY: argh! Sabihin mo nga sa kanya yung instruction ko kanina (pakiusap kay xena)

X**A: may iaabot sayong bag then ilagay mo dun lahat ng money at belongings mo na pwede nilang mapakinabangan.

AKO: (wala paring imik, hanep, patayin nalang ako, matapos kung tipirin yung pera ko kukunin lang saken, wow cacao!)... (kinuha yung pera sa bulsa, isinilid sa bag ni holdaper)

GUY: paikot-ikot sa bus at nangongolekta na parang taga-MMDA na nagiipon ng suhol... o mas malupit, presidente ng bansa na blahblahblah.. mga magnanakaw na ito, pare-pareho, sa magkaibang paraan pa rin pero ang lowest term e mga “magnanakaw” sila..

AKO: (napipi ata, wala paring sinsabi... pero medyo lumalakas na yun kaba, paano kaya kung tinuluyan akong barilin?)

BABAE(kasabwat): (pumunta sa harap) tinignan ang laman ng bag.) O, bakit may 8**** dito? Ang laking pera naman nito, kanino ito ng maisoli..

AKO: (wala paring imik..nagtataka,, uh? Diba dapat natuwa pa sila? Weird)

GUY: tumingin ka sa likod(utos niya)

AKO: syempre lumingon, medyo takot talaga. Nang biglang....

ASHTON KUTCHER: you got punk’d

Henep, minsan talaga di maiwasan na mapaglaruan tayo. Sobrang narealize ko lang na may mga bagay na dadating para paguluhin lang ang mga bagay-bagay. Nasasayo yan kung pipiliin mong magpa-apekto ng basta-basta. Henep.. nasa Punk’d ako pero feeling ko nasa Scare Tactics ako. Pero hmmm, medyo it was nice to know na I wasn’t that afraid. Oo, natakot pero hindi gaya nun kookoo the coward na ipis lang e mamamatay na takot. Basta parang that taught me not to be afraid of things that can be handled properly. Maski hindi kaya, kayanin!

Dreams, they actually say a lot, they just have to be looked at its deepest. We may learn things through them. Since they are part of our subconscious, they are really part of us. We just have to search for the puzzles they throw. They are really manifestations of what we love and worry about. After they became the crime witnesses, they need justice too. (o, anu naman to? Ahhh, basta..)
Hmm, ako? Dami kong suppositions and explanations about sa mga panaginip ko, sa totoo lang. Kilala natin ang sarili natin, walang ibang kung sinong suman diyan ang makablahblahblah.... okay?

Pero grabe, wala na ba talaga akong mas matinong magiging panaginip? Henep, kilala nyo naman si Samara Morgan at Lotus Feet diba? Ayun, dinalaw din ako ng mga iyon ilang gabi din, matapos kong suportahan ang mga palabas nila. Di na nahiya, di lang man nagsuklay!!

doobie newbie doo sa blogger.. parang ngongo lang

"kahit ilaw ng alitaptap, napupundi din".. hanep sa blog name diba, nakanang.. ang lalim... ng balon, ang lalim ng balon. (uh?)

anyway, hindi ako bago sa mundo ng pagba-blog. sa totoo lang, ilang beses ko nang ipinangako sa sarili ko na hindi na magba-blog ulit pero gaya ng boypren mo na sabi mong hindi mo na babalikan e babalik at babalikan mo pa rin.. (o, ano nanaman to?).. o, wag kang umiyak!!

minsan sobrang nata-t*ngahan ako sa mga adik, paano kasi ang hina ng sense of control, how loser... pero on the second thought, narealize ko "wala din akong pinagkaiba sa kanila" adik din naman ako(ika nga ng tatay ko, "ang engrosement mo sa internet, ayaw kitang tawaging addict" pero parang tinawag na din niya akong adik, diba?) hindi nga lang sa shabu... sa cough syrup OO! ubo! uboubo!!

uh, oo, para sakin cough syrup ang pagba-blog.sabihin na natin na kapag inaatake tayo ng ubo, hahanap at hahanap tayo ng paraan para gumaling agad. parang sa pagba-blog, kung minumulto ka ng nakaraan mo na parang sila Sadako at Lotus Feet na halos sakalin ka na e mas okay na magsulat ka nalang, hindi ko sinasabing last will and testament, tamang magsulat ka lang sa blog mo kasi malaki ang natutulong nito... napaka-therapeutic, tinutulungan kasi nitong marelease yung mga feelings na nagpapabigat ng damdamin mo... lalo na ng damdamin ko..ugh!minsan din, umiinom tayo ng cough syrup(ako hindi).. revise: minsan din, umiinom kayo ng cough syrup kapag you badly wanted to sleep na(uh, parang konya,eeew!).. parang bago mo tapusin ang araw mo(o, hindi ko sinabing magsuicide ka) i mean, bago ka matulog e magblog ka muna.. kasi mas madaling makatulog pag nakapag-blog ka... bakit kamo?
a. narelease mo yung mga anik-anik na nararamdaman mo... mas peaceful ang tulog
b. masakit na ang mata mo sa radiation kaya pikit agad pagkatapos
c. sobrang mahaba ang blog mo at pagod ka na kaya tulog ka na agad bago ka pa humiga

basta, sa maraming dahilan e hindi ko talaga matalikurn ang pagba-blog. kahit pa ilang beses na akong natatalakan ng tatay ko na matulog na ako agad tuwing gabi...umm... tuwing madaling araw pala e... hehe, matigas ang ulo ko. mas matatagalan kasi ang pagtunganga ko sa kisame(minsan may mga butiki pa) sa paghihintay kay pareng antok habang nag-iisip ng mga matatalino at mga bobong pananaw...

kaya para sa akin, pipiliin ko ng mapuyat ng may ginagawa kesa wala... inom nalang ng cough syrup kumbaga kesa sapakin ko ang sarili ko para makatulog agad...

o, at ano naman ang kinalaman nito sa blog name ko? wala lang, minsan kasi akala natin na ang buhay ay mas masaya kapag nasa kabilang buhay na(anu daw?!) tipong iniisip natin na napupundi ang ilaw natin.. kahit gaano kaliwanag e matatawag mo parin ang ilaw mo na "pundido" minsan sa buhay mo o ng ilaw mo... pero kahit minsan siguro akala natin na ang ilaw na kumikidapkidap na(um, right term ba? washeber) e pa-walang silbi na e nagkakamali tayo... kalokohan na napupundi ang ilaw ng alitaptap... isang sarkastikong pananaw lang yan.

ang buhay akala natin minsan e wala ng patutunguhan, diyan tayo nagkakamali... laging meron kung iisip tayo ng paraan para may patunguhan ito... isipin mo kasing lumingon sa nilalang na gumawa sa alitaptap... o sayo(hindi ang nanay mo ha!)... at sa ilaw na bumabalot sa buhay mo..

ü.alitaptap.ü